lean in

tonight you kissed me, lemon lips full on the mouth, and i felt my face twist, as if you were sour. i love you so dearly, but i think that every recent kiss has been sort of a chore, something to mark from the to-do list, because my mind is somewhere far off and anxious.  i stood there with your palms pressed to my shoulders and i felt every inch of my face, and it was ice and stone and then fire, melting. i thought what a waste it would be to live through every sweet kiss beyond my bones, up in my head, removed, resenting, regretful. i thought how quick it would be - the freezing over, the hurting, the breaking, if every kiss were so quick and unwanted. so i felt my face, i unfurled all the sour places like petals, i melted. and i felt you. all of you. liquor lips pressing into mine. slowly, slowly. here i am, my love. here i'll always be.